I'm not exactly dancing, but I'm not just standing here getting soaked either. It has been raining stress and uncertainty for a long time, but this month has escalated. I flip flop between lows of emotion - tears, despair, confusion - and highs of elation - emuna, peace, power. I'm not judging myself for any… Continue reading Dance in the Rain (Responding to Life’s Hurricanes)
I'm strangely relaxed. Kind of in a stupor. It is Rosh Chodesh Elul. I have all kinds of "shoulds" floating in my brain. I should be working harder. I should be planning something. I should be making phone calls. But I'm sitting in Barnes & Noble drinking a sweet iced tea looking at the harbor.… Continue reading When We’re Left with Nothing But Hashem… (Salvations & Sweet Tea)
WOMEN ONLY PLEASE I woke up sweating again. Not from some scary nightmare, but from the stress of my own life, I guess. Night sweats. Hormones. Thyroid. Of all the symptoms, I have had over the past year, the night sweats scare me the most, because they are so clearly physically indicative of something off… Continue reading Who I Ran Into on the Worst Day Ever and Why I’m Done Adulting
I grew up religious religious religious Christian, with a very absolute view of truth. The Bible is true. This pastor is true. Right and wrong are true and false. Black and white are wrong and right. True. In this religious atmosphere, badness was everywhere. Movies were bad. Dancing was bad. Drinking was bad. Secular books… Continue reading What’s “True” About Your Current Situation?
I am in a courtroom. I'm in the victim witness waiting room. I'm a witness, for my son, the victim. I'm the victim. (I am so tired of being the victim.) Today, I'm fairly certain, will be a delay, a formality, another step in the long hike toward justice for my son. Hashem, your justice… Continue reading Waiting on Redemption (in a Courtroom)
Dear Beloved Soul, We made a deal before you were born. We made a deal that you would be in the final generation before Moshiach. We made a very difficult deal. You wanted to get this over with already, to fix your soul, finally, completely, so that Moshiach could come. You wanted to stop coming… Continue reading A Letter From God about Why Your Life’s So Hard (& What to Do About It)
Gratitude is the net that keeps us from falling off the tightrope of life into the abyss of despair. Okay, maybe it doesn't keep us from falling off the tightrope of life; we are bound to fall. But it catches us, like those circus acrobats who do crazy tricks and slip every once in a… Continue reading How Gratitude Keeps Us From Despair (What to do when the kids fight over Bubblegum)
I'm hesitant to write about my latest miracle, because I don't want pity or worry or judgment. So as you read this, can you please just focus on the miracle, the Truth in this latest event in the saga called Rina's life. April was Pesach and I missed a lot of work. (I work by… Continue reading Will Hashem Really Take Care of Me?
Wow, I do NOT have her kind of emuna (faith), I left the theatre thinking after watching The Wedding Plan. The kind to show up to a wedding without a groom, trusting that G-d will bring one. Quick movie summary: when Michal's fiance tells her he doesn't love her just weeks before the wedding, instead of… Continue reading Comparing Myself to Michal in “The Wedding Plan” (Movie Review)
The only point of life, really, I have come to conclude - is to complete your soul's mission. Rectification. Ascension. Purification. Learn the lesson your soul needed (or wanted) to learn. Take a step higher on the soul level. Tikkun. I love this word. It means "rectification or fixing." Rewind to reincarnation. I grew up… Continue reading When Your Soul Feels Unworthy (Spooky Signs from the Universe)