New Beliefs About My Husbands

I will give you the good news first about this weekend – I met people!  I actually opened my mouth and spoke to them, with G-d’s help, and now I have some people I am comfortable with here.  None of them are my future husband, Mom.

The hottest guys here are 1.) Muhammed. And if his name doesn’t clue you in enough about why I wouldn’t marry him, his very nice wife would give you more reasons.  HA!  (This is all me teasing my mom; I’m actually not on the prowl for a husband everywhere I go, but I will admit and most single people who want to get married would admit if they’re honest – it’s in the back of our heads and our eyes are open.)

2.) Ken. Very tall, built like an athlete and verrrrrrrrrrrrry tall; I have a thing for tall (sorry future husband if you are short, I am also open-minded and looking for more than tall, like it’s not my first priority) and he sits next to me on night one. Then his wife sits next to him. HA!

The best ones are taken – that belief flits into my head, and that will lead me to what I’m learning here at this retreat this weekend…

We choose our beliefs, and if we choose to believe we have that power, then we can also choose to believe we have the power to choose our feelings too.  If I really believe that the best men are taken, I will be disappointed, disheartened, sad, annoyed, bitter, etc.  It’s my belief that leads to those feelings… just like I’ve been talking about Here and Here.  It’s pretty amazing that this random self-help weekend that I won and had no clue what the topic was even about… is ABOUT the very thing I’ve been focused on learning the past couple weeks.  HELLO, HASHEM!  Hello, serendipity. Hello, destiny.

If I choose to believe, “The best person for me is out there and coming soon,” I will feel excited and hopeful and determined to work on myself in the meantime to be the best I can be for him.  I can choose either belief.  I can literally just put it in my brain and think and choose to believe a new belief.

I haven’t been focused on my future husband at this retreat AT ALL (except for checking out Muhammed and Ken for 3 seconds before I realized they were married).  Here’s what I’ve been focused on changing my belief about – my EX Husband.

This has been an area of lack of clarity and uncomfortable emotions. I can’t get into details, and I will never get into details of our divorce on this blog unless he one day gives me permission to do so.  But I’ve been unclear and uncomfortable as a result of the beliefs I made up about him and about our divorce.

Facts are things that happened.  Things that are undeniable events.  I can’t really get into those either surrounding our divorce, but like I said in my It’s All in Your Head! blog, the facts don’t bring the pain, the beliefs bring the pain.  The beliefs we believe, we of course believe are true or we wouldn’t believe them.  We believe them, because they’re helping us in some way, they’re giving us a payoff.  But they’re not always in our best interest, and there’s no way to prove them true or not true, and another person in the face of the same fact could make up and believe entirely different beliefs.

Here are my new beliefs that I am choosing to believe about my ex, beliefs that scare me a little to believe, because holding on to my old ones made me feel in some way protected from future pain, even though they were actually holding me in current pain and have no power to protect me at all.  If I let go of them and replace them with new, I will feel more peaceful and more comfortable and be in a position to protect and take care of myself the best from that place.  Here are the new beliefs:

1.)  He loves me and the kids and he always will.

2.)  He wants the best for our kids.

3.)  He is supporting me.

4.)  He is a good person.

5.)  We can be best friends and raise and enjoy our children together.

Can you feel the whole energy of everything lift?  Can you feel how good it would feel if I truly truly truly believed all that?  So I’m getting there. I’m looking for evidence of all of those beliefs, and I actually have found evidence for all of them.

Here’s my second topic I’ve really been focused on here:  my health.  This is a huge topic that I’ve written about Here, and my belief has been:  There’s something wrong with me.

Through the process at the Happiness Weekend, I’ve been able to find and choose new beliefs about this:

  1. There’s nothing wrong with me.
  2. My body is healing.
  3. I have the ability to take care of myself.
  4. I give myself healthy food.
  5. I can eat whatever I want and still lose weight (this one scares me!)
  6. I like to eat healthy food.
  7. My health will be better off if I stop stressing about my health.

Here’s another thing I want to write about – my new friend Shira.  I saw Shira’s name on a cottage door yesterday when I was in my Introverted Reclusivity Phase  and I was like, “Cool, another Jew’s here.”  Shira is a very Jewish name, and I was comforted by potential common ground with someone here.  But then I didn’t see anyone else in the room wearing the Orthodox dress code, so I forgot about it.

Until we were all walking in circles around the room doing a hoopy doopy self-help exercise and we had to pause where we were and partner up.  In a room of 40 people, Hashem had me pause next to a girl, I now saw was wearing the nametag Shira.  Hello, serendipity again.  I knew it was Hashem.  She and I needed each other.  Her name even means my name, because despite the title of this blog – Rina also means Song.  (Maybe I will start a second blog http://www.rinaalsomeanssong.com. Nope, the letters look funny beside each other.)

So now, 17-year-old Shira and her mother (who is also here) and I are best, best friends and love each other and my introvert day is done.  Don’t worry, I made friends with the non-Jews too, including Ken’s gorgeous wife Jill and the older mother-daughter duo Melissa & MaryLou.

But Shira. I can’t really write about her, because it’s her business, but I LOVE HER. And her mom too!  And her boyfriend too, who I talked to on the phone.  I can’t wait to have teenagers.  (See how that’s a belief?  I could believe, “Oh my gosh, having teenagers is drama and terrifying,” and then it would probably be that and I’d give myself anxiety for the next however long before my oldest turns 13 and all during the teen years.   But I’m choosing to believe having teenagers is fun and exciting.)

Okay, folks, I hope you’re learning something from my ramblings.  Thanks for reading!!

Love,

Rina

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