Hot Loneliness & Birthing an Elephant

Brittany and my eating plan has left us without all our usual coping mechanisms.  No foodie friends.  No easy buttons.  It’s left us with feelings that we can’t eat.  Yesterday she did what any comforting friend would do in our situation – sent me a Glennon Doyle Melton video called “First the Pain, Then the Rising.”

Now I have to admit here that sometimes I get tired of all the self-help talk.  I work in spiritual development.  And it gets TIRING!  All this work.  Sometimes my religious Christian upbringing says, “Rina stop thinking about yourself so much and just focus on G-d, it will all be okay.”

Then sometimes my humanity says, “Get that shit out, Rina.  Get all your feelings and yuckiness out, so you can be clear and free.  That is the only way.”

Glennon wrote a book called Love Warrior.  She exposed her clearing journey, all her shit, and how she got through it by being with it.  Sorry I keep using that word so much. I don’t want to offend anyone, but what other word will work? (Open to suggestions.  And “junk” just doesn’t cut it.) Ha! Bear with me. One day holiness will burst forth, with G-d’s help.

Glennon describes it well.  She says she finally gave up on being a good girl in order to become a free woman.

That’s happening to me.  With every thing I write, every pile of dirt I shovel out, I’m getting to the joy and freedom.  You guys might see it as depressing and dark and sad, but I feel it as air coming out of a balloon – RELIEF, power, joy.  So I’m trying not to avoid the pain anymore.  This pain is bringing a baby!  (My favorite birth mantra.)  I’m birthing an elephant here, and when an elephant is born, the earth shakes!

Would a brownie or a call to that one guy feel great for a minute?  Would it help me escape the pain?  Yeah.  But listen to this – “When we transport out of our hot loneliness, we miss all of our transformation.” Preach, Glennon!!

elephant