This is another one of Tova’s juicy questions. Who do I want to be? Because I lose myself in people. And all of a sudden Rina is lost. I’m just finding her again, and we can’t let that happen again.
So Tova thinks a list needs to be made of who I want to be, so we can measure it against who I actually am the next time, in G-d’s time, with G-d’s help when someone else comes along.
(This is the more difficult sequel to What I Want in Husband #2)
I want to be healthy, open, laughing
I want to be thinking, writing, taking care of my kids (and his if he has any, whatever that situation looks like)
But I want help.
I want to be a co-captain, making plans together, talking about everything, making no assumptions
I want to be firm about what I want.
I want to be talking as much as I am listening.
I want to ask questions, and like the answers.
I want to be deliriously happy. HA. Is that too much to ask?
That comes from within, Rina. Yeah, ok, working on it.
I want to feel respect for him, to look up to him in so many ways.
I want to feel comfortable, but excited.
I want us both to shine.
I want to be bravely real with my emotions.
I want to be funny in my weird way and make him laugh.
I kinda want to be the silly one, definitely not the uptight one. (That means he needs to be stable enough for me to feel safe to let loose.) Can we both be both?
I want my opinions and my people to be honored.
Ugh. Am I doing this exercise right, Tova? Who can a person be in a relationship? Who was I? Support staff, housekeeper, cheerleader, manager, listener, co-seeker. Trophy, lover, companion, friend.
I want to be the soulmate, the one who gets him, the one who feels “got”
I want to be the prize, like wow, I got her, Hashem must really love me
I want to be the winner, like wow, I got him, Hashem must really love me
I want to be the Queen
I am smiling because that sounds like such a silly high ideal, such an impossible dream
I think that’s a great place to stop!
Couldn’t decide between the following two images; one of a confident woman, the other of a little girl playing dressup… that says a lot I think… I am both of them.