What I Want in Husband #2

I’m on a roll with the lists, and this one feels a bit more embarrassing to write, but I’m going to share it anyway.  Some of the things are optional, a list is just a list; we’ll see what Hashem brings.  But if I could build what I think of as a dream man on paper, here we go…

Tall and thick

with a dark brown short beard

the rugged blue collar type

who knows how to build things and fix things

(or has a handy man on speed dial and some cash for that kind of thing)

and drives a truck

but is intellectually equal and interesting

and learns Torah

and loves Torah

and reads other books

and gentle with my boys

and gentle with me

and has a rabbi he listens to and will submit to

and has a Jewish family (sorry for everyone who wants to set me up with a convert; 1 convert per marriage is enough)

and has made something of himself, found his passion in life, made a career of it

or is a rabbi who can take us to go do kiruv on a beach somewhere

and loves music

but isn’t too dreamy/artistic/feminine; I’d like to be the emotional flighty one in the relationship

who doesn’t mind holding my hand in public

and looks at me like X did on the bench

who loves davening with a minyan but will skip it if I’m just fried and need company at home

who cooks and cleans and eats and can hang with temporary mess

and loves cleaning ladies as much as I do (impossible, make that “who appreciates cleaning ladies like I do”)

who isn’t too authoritarian but can bring structure

who is a chiller but adventurous

who prefers a baseball cap to a black hat

who isn’t afraid of blue jeans

who will want to learn with my boys

who knows a lot about Judaism and can answer my questions but won’t pressure

who can hang with my non-Jewish family and friends

who makes me laugh

who’s good at picking gifts and does it often

who is financially comfortable and good with money

who can talk about self-development and works on himself

who wants to build emotional closeness

who will do fruity relationship exercises with me and may make jokes about it but secretly finds it fascinating and really helpful

who is kind to his ex-wife if he has one

who gives me a lot of space and freedom

who wants to make my life easier and more fun

who has worked on himself to the point of authenticity and past defensiveness

who prioritizes his kids

who’s calm under pressure and comforting to my stressed under pressure

who wants to go places together

who wants a partnership, a team

who learned something from his divorce if he had one

who can get past Tova’s grilling

who’s willing to jump through the hoops I need to feel safe

who surprises me

who my kids love

who wants to grow in emuna

who wants to be active in a community

who loves Israel and wants to take me there as much as possible

who isn’t too serious but can be serious

who makes me feel safe

all for now…

~Rina

Dream-Guy-Article