Marijuana Tea for Moms

Ok, so it’s not real marijuana, sorry to crush your hopes and dreams.  And now I feel guilty for even joking about it in my title and want to clean my reputation by saying:  I don’t use marijuana.  But I think it would reallllly help sometimes with the mothering.  I did find a tea that might help, and I’ll tell you about it after I tell you why I need it.

My boys took a bath (mommy win) and were still some degree of naked from it, ranging from fully nude to shirtless.

We were all snuggling on the couch in this degree of nakedness (mother’s guilt) and watching Creative Galaxy, ya know the show about art without the actual mess and unfortunately without the benefits of actual art (mother’s guilt).  But it’s a clean show (mommy win).

I run down to the basement to switch my clothes from the washer to the dryer (mommy win).

In the hallway on my way back up, the neighbor asks if it is a good day for a playdate.  I say Sure (mommy win) at the same time I hear one of my kids screaming bloody murder (mommy guilt).

I come in and he says another kid punched him in the nose (mommy guilt).  The alleged has locked himself in the playroom.  I comfort the victim (mommy win) then go check on the accused.

Knock knock.  “Open the door, I want to hear your side,” I say calmly (mommy win).

“I’m not going to open it but I will talk,” he literally says.  (I didn’t think it’s as funny then as I do now.)

“Okay what happened,” I say, not feeling like an actual battle (mommy guilt) or lock picking.

“He wouldn’t let me see,” the accused says. He means the screen.

“So you punched him in the nose?” I say.  This conversation does not remotely resemble any of the parenting books I read.

“Not with my hands,” he says.

“With what then?!” I ask, genuinely curious.

“The computer.”

“Okay, so if someone does something mean to you, does that mean you can beat them up with a computer?” I ask.

“No…” he says (mommy win) through the locked door (mommy guilt).

Then neighbor kid knocks on door.  2 out of 3 kids are still half naked (mommy guilt).

“Ummmmmm you guys, Neighbor is here, get dressed quick!”

“I don’t want to have a playdate,” says 1, still glued to screen.  I don’t usually let playdates be on screen (mommy win).

“I want to!!!” says totally naked one.

I still haven’t answered door. Totally Naked One answers. (mommy guilt).

I’m tired of writing out this story, to tell you the truth, reliving it is exhausting, but this was only the beginning.  Everyone cried, multiple times, loudly, over not being able to share toys, and there weren’t enough hot dogs, and it was witching hour, and the neighbor was still here and I wondered what his mom downstairs was thinking hearing all the ruckus above her (mommy guilt), and they HATE rice (mommy guilt), and the baby kept getting gypped (mommy guilt) and by the end of it, I needed to smoke a big fat joint.  MOMMY GUILT!!!!

But I didn’t, remember, because I don’t do that (mommy win).

Then I see this Kava Tea on my counter that I ordered last week after my BFF said it was good for stress relief but I have been too infatuated with writing this blog to take time to try.  I read an article about it that said it has drug-like effects.

So I start making the tea, because I need a drug. And I’m off sugar again, so that’s not an option (mommy win).

And as I’m making the tea, I hear, “Scratch my back, scratch my back,” and the little finally-dressed one is running over to the big still-shirtless one and scratching his back, and it’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen.

How does it flip so fast like that?

And then they asked me permission to eat applesauce (mommy win).  That is a rule in our house, because I need those applesauces for packing lunches, and my boys would literally eat two 8-packs of applesauces a day if I didn’t ration it out.

So now I’m sitting here writing this and sipping my tea and listening to one of these guys spray my deodorant like air freshener in my bedroom.  And I’m just laughing about it all, feeling pretty chill.  At least it smells good.

(Mommy Win.)

Time to make dinner.  Yeah all that hot dog and rice talk. That was just a snack.


The Mom of Three Growing Boys

The Kava Tea tastes pretty good by the way.

kava tea